Ukrainian show business shuddered: Elena Topolya found herself at the center of a loud scandal. Her intimate photos and videos were leaked online after attempts at blackmail - they demanded money for silence. And at this point I, as a psychologist, want to stop the news feed and ask an important question: why is society still looking for the “guilt” of the victim, and not the criminal

The following is the text in the original language. I write this not as a commentator on scandals, but as a person who daily deals with rubbish, fear and guilt - with these emotions that people are forever deprived of after the headlines change again..

In my sessions I explain: intimacy is not weakness, but a zone of trust. If they are violated, the psyche reacts as if it were being invaded. People are experiencing shock, loss of control, litter and fear of social exclusion. In the hour of war, these reactions become stronger: the nervous system works on boundaries, and any threat to one’s reputation is perceived as a threat to one’s survival.

I will always remind my clients that the ruler’s litter is with him. This story is not about the woman whose materials were stolen, but about the one who blackmails and spreads.

Marriage often plays into an unsafe group of subordinate standards. Human sexuality is “private on the right”, female sexuality is “a case for court”. Cases like this are so painful in the self-esteem of wives: they are tempted to label them “not like that,” “imperfect,” “guilty”.

And here it is important to say: mature self-esteem does not collapse even if the cordons are broken. Vaughn results in fraud and self-incrimination. And from publicly calling speeches by their proper names, it turns out the power.

The world has already completed these lessons. Jennifer Lawrence said openly that the angry photo is a sexual scandal, not a “scandal.”. Kim Kardashian survived a public wedding, but later turned the flood into power. All these stories have one thing in common: the problem is not in the body, not in intimacy and not in the courage of being alive.

The problem is to control broken cordons and borders through fear.

I will always give my clients three basic principles:.

Scandals pass. The tiles are fading. And from the culture of respect to privacy itself is formed in such moments - if we believe, on what we are concerned. This story is not about sex. About boundaries, age and maturity of matrimony. And because we really want to be strong - especially in times of war - we must learn not to destroy the victim, but to call evildoers evildoers.