I will not be particularly angry and scoff at the outcome of the sea battle between the Russian and Romanian-African fleets near the Bosphorus.

Firstly, everyone who wanted to already extinguished (pancake, how to spell this word correctly?) And smothered off. Secondly, in Russia, all the people are having fun and dancing. Perhaps for the first time "she drowned" herself, and not half the crew - and this is almost a victory. At least, not a single grandmother said that she never had a son for three million rubles.

And thirdly, the ship was not military (he retired from the Black Sea Fleet exactly twenty minutes before shipreking), but was sticking out and feeding on the military bases of the Black Sea Fleet because it was necessary to harp around somewhere sailors? Do not go to the eatery, flaunting it. Seamen, incidentally, also retired with the ship, just did not have time to pass the form - do not run them on the deck naked? - military ranks of the team - so it's the name or the pursuit. I myself had a friend named Sasha Sergeant, and that is characteristic, in the army he was also a sergeant. He advised brother-soldiers to rise to the rank of general, and then we would be the only country in the world with the sergeant-general.

A naval flag of the Russian Navy vessel carried a type of Panamanian or Liberian - shrimp to scare off so that they did not bite hard at the bottom, and that a discount for a stay in Tartous was given. Evil tongues say that it was a generally obliquely tied Finnish flag.

So there was this peaceful oceanographic chest that sailed to Syria to measure the temperature of the water with a thermometer - is it not too hot for tourists? - and at the same time and to fish with the help of the newest reconnaissance military equipment. It's one thing when you blindly throw a fishing rod, and it's unclear - there is a fish there, or not, and quite another, when you are penetrating the bottom of the eye and see - here's a karasik, here's a red rump, but an aqualungisto in thongs and a round ass.

The team dozed or played chess on strips to undress, Watch stared into the fog, occasionally applying to the treasured bottle of dietary Coca-Cola. The captain wrote a letter to his granddaughter, persuading her after finishing the school of synchronized swimming to go into stepping divers.

And then, from the side, under the cover of the fog, under the Femistocles under Salamins, the Romanian trireme with the sheep stuck its rostrum into the defenseless side of the Russian dreadnought. From what he so och * e, that even fight for survivability did not become. And immediately fell to the bottom with surprise.

It is necessary to rejoice that at least half of the team was sober and had time to throw overboard the second half of the team. In honor of this, they say, in Yakutia another monument is being molded from shit, which, unlike a rooster, does not melt with the onset of spring. At first they wanted to sculpt Neptune, but he had a trident in his hands, and this is obvious wrecking and ukrofashizm. So there will be a two-headed mermaid. Skolkovo scientists have already developed a cooling device from pipes with freon, preserving the monument to the Russian fleet before winter, which will begin in Yakutia in a few months. The total price of the device is one hundred and thirty-five billion rubles. Russians do not save on their own.

But the Western Romanian sheep are still puffing evil, ho-ho, still remembering how they accumulated on the tank, turned to the Russian military scientists behind, lifted their tails and badly beaten, rolling round-the-rods and remembering Russian sailors all offenses, from "Sheep" to "stupid sheep".

Any science requires sacrifice, and no one perishes in vain, if this is the price for knowing the world.

First of all, it was proved that in the fog you can not see anything, especially at night. Even if you have a reconnaissance ship, and by appointment, you should be able to observe even the opposite side of the Moon. Have instructed the equipment to * beni mother, as you will understand - for what to pull and where to press? Whether on "Bronze", whether on "Kairo", whether on "Knot", whether on "Vakhta"? And if on "Vakhta" - then on what? "Vakhtu-M", "Vakhta-10" or "Vakhta-12". Here and a healthy person fucked mezzanine, not that the naval.

Wiggle to run-choose between these "rotors" and "guillemots". Here earlier in a simple, good way was: ahead of themselves and on each side long stick stole - and did not drown. Well bumknut there a couple of times in the market, echo will listen - that's all intelligence. Sheep from the Romanian-African trireme, I suppose, used a stick and used.

Next: it is proved that in the fog, darkness, rain and other troubles it is necessary to sit at home, to drink tea with bread, and not to scout. Intelligence should be carried out at daylight hours, with good sunlight, while the reconnaissance object should sit exactly on a chair, at a distance of not more than five meters and clearly answer questions. On the recommendation of specialists from the military medical board, the scout must have glasses and / or a hearing aid.

And the most important discovery, for which it is not a pity to lose a military reconnaissance ship: the curvature is possessed not only by land, but also by water. Which, of course, is the opening of the century. The earth - it is understandable: all the pits and hills there, and other relief, but only the heroic "Liman" discovered that the water is also a curve. In the pool - it seems to be smooth, but the oceans contain a lot of unknown. Perhaps, it was the curvature of the water that allowed secretly to leave the pirate lambs at the distance of the ramming strike.

Moreover, even air has a certain curvature, which is regularly confirmed at the air show of Russian aces "Russian Knights", more known to the public under the title "The best leave first". It is this inexplicable curvature that makes the best ramming transformer booths, cowsheds and other household buildings of dual purpose, invariably evoking the spectators and their children.

Some zhy * Obende scientists vowingly hint at the initial curvature of the hands of Russian designers, builders and exploiters of technology, to which Russians logically answer that the hands of all people are curves. Because if they were straight, they would not bend at the elbows, and you could not wear a coat, a lab coat, or even a vanilla. And here it is difficult to object something.

For some reason, I immediately recollect a great-uncle from Starooskolsky district, who, having eaten the afternoon, took the moped from his nephew with the words: "Well, give it here, small, right now my uncle will show me how to cut it". "As it should be" slicing usually ended with the repair of the fence and the moped, but my grandfather, at least, henna. Taksho with his grandfather's hand was all right, but with a fence and a moped something was wrong. But in those parts the curvature of everything in general is beyond the bounds, the world pole of curvature, one can say.

And only Romanian sheep echidly laugh in their wardroom over the sea wolves.

I want to remind you that sheep have never been good navigators and naval commanders, it's rather infantry. In extreme cases - the sea and boarding. So the victory in the sea battle can be considered accidental. The Russians will draw conclusions, and in addition to eavesdropping on the whales' voices, they will create some kind of "Vakhta-20". Which will recognize not only the dangerous bebeke of sheep pirates, but also the entire strategically dangerous barnyard, listed in the popular radio-song "Il Pulcino Pio".

But if the well-organized Romanian sheepskin mountaineer BTG, under the command of some sorbian grandfather of Syrba, with the Budyonny's mustache and Hannibal's thinking, will attack the defeated Kantemirovskaya tank division, then tick to the hut moskali. Tanks in the mountains, of course, will not be drowned, but you yourself can not hide under water. Sheep - this is not the Moscow OMON, they do not take prisoners.

And note that the Romanian galley bore the proud name of "Ashot-7". And this means that at least six more ferocious "Ashotov" prowl the seas in search of their victims. So I would recommend that Russian military sailors do not shuffle around the seas at night, in the fog and on Friday the thirteenth. And to stand quietly somewhere in a secret bay on the joke. And even better - in general ships on the shore to pull out, like the ancient Greeks under Troy.

From sin far away. And then no fleet can be assaulted.

Updata: And why do Russians so little grieve over the Romanian lambs and lambs affected by the collision and do not carry flowers and candles to the Romanian embassy? Where is your sorrow, evil people? Where are the funeral ribbons? And you complain that we, zhy * oen * ers, are unhappy with your lamb's choir of dancing and sourdough named after Aleksandrov.

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