Caring for loved ones always begins suddenly. Complications from illness, wounds in battle, stroke, chronic illness or old age - thousands of people every day find themselves in a new reality for which it is impossible to prepare in advance.. It's always about challenges and always about humanity: fear, loneliness, love, strength and dignity.

When a loved one is deprived of the ability to eat, move, or take care of himself or herself, there is often someone nearby who is learning to be a caregiver in the process. How do such families live, where do they look for support and what helps them not to lose themselves Vesta with the Vseturbota project, an initiative that supports people with limited mobility and their loved ones, is talking about those who care for their loved ones at home every day.

Hearing each other is the key.

“We met in the fall of 2024 through the volunteer community, through. He is my Azov man. When I came to see him in Kramatorsk, we realized that this was it. Already in January 2025, Igor proposed to me. He was in the Serebryansky forest, then near Toretsk, then - Pokrovskoe direction. It was a move to a new position. I didn’t have any special “feeling” - I knew that setting up a new place would take them time, that there would be no connection right away. But when Igor didn’t answer me until the next morning, I already understood that something had happened,” says Bogdana.

Dnepr, Kyiv, Lviv. During the first six months, the girl was next to her groom almost every day. During the arrival at the position, a Russian FPV drone hit the pickup truck where Igor and his brothers-in-arms were located. The guy lost a critical amount of blood, lost a leg, received shrapnel wounds to the eyes and severe traumatic brain injury. Bogdana says that the worst thing in the first days was the uncertainty, because they practically didn’t talk to you and didn’t explain anything..

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What types of prosthetics are there and how does the prosthetic process work What does evacuation look like, is it possible to go together, how to prepare for it? What you should know about pain and how to help a loved one cope with it? With such questions, people who have to care for seriously ill patients are often left alone, moving “by touch” and weighing each step so as not to cause harm:.

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“We are very lucky, because Azov has a good escort service. I asked the medical supervisor about everything to get my bearings at least a little.. They helped me find housing to be close to the hospital, were constantly in touch, organized the evacuation of Igor to Kyiv. The first three days were the worst, especially when they started giving him regular painkillers.. I had to watch him in unbearable pain. He couldn't sleep, eat, or even move because of the pain.. At the same time, due to the traumatic brain injury, he could not endure it, because the pressure increases, and this worsens the situation.”.

One of the biggest challenges begins when the strong painkillers used in the first days wear off, but the pain does not..

“I understood that I had to do something: I argued with the nurses and doctors so that his dosage was increased or something stronger was prescribed. In fact, it’s a very strange feeling: it’s like you’re completely losing all subjectivity. You scream, swear, just sit and wait for what they will do to you,” shares Bogdana. According to her, for her, for example, at first it was not obvious that a person in such a state sometimes needs time to be alone. First of all, to get used to the pain, learn to cope with it.

“I was most worried about how he perceived his injury, whether he even understood what happened. I was also worried about how I would accept all this when I saw him, whether my first reaction would be traumatic for him. But when I saw that this was my beloved, my Igor, everything fell into place. In the first days I constantly looked closely at the wound, he saw that I was reacting normally. As soon as he had a voice, we started talking. Well, no legs, that means no. Let's get prosthetics"

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The girl adds that sensitive and sincere communication is extremely important: “That’s what you should say: I want to help you, but if it’s too much, tell me.”. And don’t be offended if a person answers that this is too much. Hearing each other is the key to everything.

“At first we both had a lot of anger,” says Bogdana. — The nervous system is exhausted due to constant stress. It is important to understand this and not take everything personally.. I'm actually lucky that he wants to do everything himself. Almost immediately we started setting small goals for ourselves.. Every time I came, Igor boasted that today he himself put on slippers or moved to a chair. Later we started going outside to drink coffee. Those short moments were very poignant."

Last November, Igor successfully completed prosthetics at the All-Ukrainian Center for Military Trauma Superhumans Center. The couple says that it was the best experience during the entire period of rehabilitation: attention to needs, explanation of all stages, humane attitude and professionalism. And if six months ago the couple faced difficulties in choosing comfortable housing - after all, the presence of a ramp in the entrance does not always mean the ability to use it for its intended purpose - now their life is practically no different from what it was before the guy was injured.

People with similar experiences are a source of knowledge and support that is often lacking in difficult situations. Bogdana says that she had someone to turn to and what to ask about, she looked for similar stories on social networks, got to know her roommates and their loved ones. Previous experience working with a psychotherapist also helped her find support during this difficult period. Various free psychological support options are now available for loved ones of military personnel and veterans.

11 years of care.

When caring for loved ones, it is important not to forget about yourself and your psychological state.. For Lyudmila, who has been caring for her mother for more than 11 years, such support came from peer groups for people caring for seriously ill people, created on the initiative of the Vseturbota project in the Rivne region. For some, such meetings become a way to switch gears, share their experience and pain with those who understand what we are talking about like no one else. And often it’s just about the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk, allow yourself to be vulnerable and different emotions, to feel that you are not alone in this experience.

“I have to go to Sarny for the meeting, and I always really look forward to this day. I wash my hair and put on makeup - it’s like some kind of renewal, my mood lifts. It's always nice to hear other people and their stories, sometimes some practical advice. After all, no matter how much experience you have, you can always learn something new that will make care easier,” says the woman.

Lyudmila has seven children, so caring for others envelops her whole life. She shares that this experience probably helped in caring for her mother after a stroke.. Spoon feeding, dressing, assistance with mobility, daily hygiene, diapers - all this did not become a challenge for her, but became a daily routine.

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According to the National Health Service of Ukraine, more than 128 thousand Ukrainians were diagnosed with stroke within a year (as of 2024). Cardiovascular diseases consistently rank among the leading causes of death worldwide. After the second massive stroke, Lyudmila’s mother spent about three weeks in the hospital. “1% that she will survive,” experts said. But the family decided that they would fight. The woman was taken home in such serious condition.

“The first two years - no changes. Mom did not react, did not move, feeding through a tube, diapers. One day we noticed that she was reacting to the TV with her eyes, and we started turning it on for her.. Later we tried to feed ourselves, choosing a certain consistency so that the mother could swallow. Six years passed like this. We shared this time with my sisters: we took turns caring, picking each other up, supporting each other.. It wasn't so hard. But not everyone can withstand long-term care,” shares Lyudmila. For the last five years, the woman has been taking care of her mother herself.. He says that sometimes anger and irritation come over him, but not at his mother - more at himself, at the situation as a whole..

" I have tender feelings for my mother now, like for a child.. I sometimes call her that - my darling, my bright sunshine. I want to support her, assure her that she is not a burden to me.. I really enjoy taking care of my mom. Somewhere deep inside I have a feeling that this is right, such an inner core. And it helps me a lot. Sometimes it’s so difficult to explain to people that this is a living person, just with a stroke. Some told me: “Why visit if she doesn’t understand anything?”? " Sometimes I tell my mom hello from the neighbors and tell me local news.”.

Recalling the first months and years of care, the woman also emphasizes that the lack of verified information and confusion are the worst things. How to wash a loved one, what food to give and how to prepare it correctly, how to care for a tracheostomy (breathing device), fight infections and bedsores - most of this knowledge and skills are developed intuitively by caregivers through trial and error.. The All-Turbota initiative was created to support everyone who finds themselves on the path of care - knowledge from experienced caregivers and experts, attention to their needs, pain, stories, self-support skills, a community where you will be understood without words.

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“A year ago I had a very difficult period. My husband and children are on vacation, and I can’t even visit the children, because there is no one except me to look after my mother.. Winter, rain, the house is dark, my sick mother and I are alone. I was so depressed, lonely, and suddenly - a call from VseTurbota. Then it seemed to me like a voice from heaven. Someone is interested in how I am, someone unfamiliar wants to help and support me, as a person who is caring. At that moment it was very important to me. VseTurbota helped me emotionally stay afloat. Now I don’t feel like I’m alone in this care, I know: if anything happens, I have someone to ask, someone to turn to for advice or help,” says the woman about her acquaintance with the project.

For many, leaving looks like a path of exhaustion and limitation.. But in the stories of the caregivers themselves, along with difficulties, something else often sounds: closeness, care, rethinking oneself and life:.

“Caring for my mother for me is, first of all, about love, despite all the difficulties. I began to sympathize with people more, developed endurance, self-control, and learned to accept reality. I realized that this is real happiness when you help someone and don’t expect anything in return. Life is full of surprises, and I believe that everything comes back to us."

If you have experience in caring, go to “Putivnik VseTurbotoyu” - read advice from those who care for loved ones, and leave a few words of your own. How to wash, feed, change clothes for a person with limited mobility, how to avoid bedsores, support in rehabilitation after a stroke, etc.. Sometimes simple practical things and understanding that you are not alone in this situation can support more than any instructions.

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